“In your understanding and in your life comes ups and downs; sometimes you get confused, sometimes you get into your past habits—patterns, I call it. Those who live in their past will never have their future. Those who live in now, future will bless them.” -Yogi Bhajan
Along my journey some practices have been beneficial, others not so much.
I still meditate daily and Kundalini yoga is a huge part of my life. More so since I began teacher training last month.
As I have mentioned before commitment has always been my issue.
I have always struggled to dig deep down and maintain a constant practice. I could always find an excuse not to do it.
To move on to the next thing.
This time I stayed steady.
I decided to get gritty and find out why.
What am I scared of?
Is it my own strength that I fear?
During the last couple of weekends of training I have witnessed my inner voice. My ego chattering away in my head.
“You can’t do this!”
“It is going to be so hard…you’ll never commit!” it persists.
As I sat quietly during a lesson this is all I could hear inside.
For the first time ever I just listened.
Quietly and gently heard what was happening.
The fight between my ego and the new me.
It was really uncomfortable.
All I wanted to do was run home and spend my time dreaming of the life I wished for instead of just beginning it.
My whole being just wanted to run away.
To find peace in the maelstrom of thoughts.
I dug deeper.
Threw myself in even further.
In fact I volunteered to take the early morning session on the next training weekend.
I knew if I didn’t my ego would win…again.
I would be disappointed in myself. Angry even.
The last 40 days have been filled with VERY early morning meditation and exercise.
Health issues have kicked in and the resistance…oh my goodness the resistance has been hard but sometimes amusing.
The old is slowly being replaced by the new.
I am being lifted.
This steadiness. This knowing. This deep understanding.
It truly is magical to be a part of my own transformation. To really see and feel every tiny part of the shift.
The work is tough. Real grit your teeth stuff.
Am I ready?
Keep on digging.
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